Tuesday, October 9, 2018

T Stands for Time To Let Go

Ma and Dad had lots of cherished items from their home. Furniture, china, figurines, silver. When their house had to be cleaned out and sold, we found ourselves absorbing their stuff. Packed neatly in plastic boxes and stacked haphazardly in the basement until the little, dollhouse house started bursting at the seams.

I couldn't bring myself to go through their stuff right after they had passed. (They both passed in 2013. Dad went first and Ma followed him three months later). The cleanout, selling of the house and dealing with the bureaucracy of MassHealth/Medicaid was too much. A little time passed, but going through the stuff was just overwhelming. I felt as if I was suffocating and trapped by the clutter.

Most of the stuff was in excellent condition. Not fine enough to be considered antique, but too good to sell for nickels and dimes at a yard sale. So it became an endless cycle of getting the urge to clean, but being overwhelmed by the clutter and not wanting to let things go.

Somewhere along the way, I read an article. I think on Facebook. Yes, it's a place where the cool kids don't hang out, but you know


It's hip to be a square

Anyway the article was from Sweden and was called something like Death Cleaning It was a process of downsizing somewhere in your 50s ( or 60s  for us late bloomers) so your children aren't burdened with trying to absorb your household into theirs. I learned from trying to sell my mother's beautiful mahogany furniture what was once prized no one wants any more. I didn't want all my parents' furniture, and I'm sure the girlies won't want mine. The idea is to keep what makes you happy, but to give away or donate items no longer wanted or needed.


Ma had lots of silver-plated items: coffee pots, sugar bowls, creamers, and trays. I had already taken a tray that I liked, and a teapot that belonged to Doris (for those that are following my Throwback Thursday Notebook Series) I didn't need 3 or 4 more trays. I don't entertain in that fashion. Still, it didn't really seem right to send the items charity.

Then I thought of  Michelle Sperry, the neice of a friend. Michelle is the Executive and Creative Director of The Connecticut Theater Dance Company: from the website "a non-profit 501(c)3, socially conscious contemporary ballet company providing tuition assistance through Encore Youth Scholarship Program." Michelle hosts a lot of fundraisers and teas. So I asked if she could use Ma's silver things. Happily, she said she would give them a good home where they would be appreciated and used.

They may not shine as brightly as they once did, but there is still a lot of life in the old gals. I'm glad I found someone who would appreciate their beauty the way Ma did.

Drop by hosts, Bleubeard and Elizabeth's blog to find out what the rest of the T Stands For gang is up to. If you want to play, include in your Tuesday post a beverage or container for a beverage. Don't forget to link your blog to Bleubeard and Elizabeth's page.

34 comments:

  1. I must admit I'm better at cluttering then decluttering, but your idea is quite good. Happy T day, Valerie

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    1. In theory the practice of letting go of things is good, but it's a lot easier to clutter.

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  2. Letting go of things is really hard. we never downsized when we moved from our home in Illinois to Missouri and now that we are moving again-wow such a huge undertaking but it needs to be done. My Mom acutally was different than most-in her 70s she began to really downsize her farm and household-she didn't want us to be burdened-I remember telling her to just enjoy her things-but I am understanding the process more now--and it is so hard to sell and to donate at the right place too-hugs to you I know its so hard
    Happy T

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    1. What we once thought was highly prized and "Antique" was actually massed produced so everyone seems to have the same dishes, Hummels, etc. No one wants to buy them because they already have enough from grandparents/parents.

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  3. I dealt with Masshealth with my mom, and still am dealing with that, and we had all her things. She was more mid-century modern, which I thought was popular, but wasn't. I like you idea. I feel your pain. I've also been curious about that Swedish death cleaning. I'm glad you mentioned that. I can see cleaning out junk but me being in my late 50's I still don't feel like I need to get rid of everything...and passing it on yet. Of course my daughter isn't ready for all my things yet either. OK, babbled enough. Have a wonderful T day and I did enjoy today posts and tea set too. Hugs-Erika

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    1. Maybe talk to you daughter to see if there are things you have that she would want. You can set those things aside for her and begin to declutter the rest.

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  4. You must have read my mind, CJ. I am going through this currently with my home and my mothers as she is worried that she will leave me a big mess after she is gone. I hate thinking about such things, but as an adult I know she is right. She went through this a couple of years ago after my dad passed away and IT IS VERY OVERWHELMING INDEED!

    Soon my MIL will be doing this as well now that her husband is gone. It is good to know that your parents treasured things are going to either stay in the family OR be given to someone who truly appreciates them.

    Thank you for sharing this with us.

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    1. My worry is leaving a big mess for the girlies. I don't want them to go through what we did when my parents passed away.

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  5. Great to see you found a good home for the tea sets. Congratulations on the decluttering process. Working on mine here too in my full little hest.

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    1. Half a dozen items down and a hundred more to go!

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  6. CJ i'm so glad you are finding homes for some of your parents cherished possessions... I'm sure they would appreciate the effort you are making.. I look around my house and i know no one will want the 'things' that bring me joy.. No one in my family crafts like i do or reads books like i do.. i'am quite the odd one in our family.. I must remember to part with alot of it as i get older.. It will be a difficult thing to do.. Happy T day! Hugs! deb

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    1. Schools and libraries will take donations of craft items. Libraries take donations of books.

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  7. Been there....still doing that! LOL When my mother died I wanted to keep EVERYTHING! Husband pointed out that if I did that I'd be living in her house! Good point. I took a lot and I'm still giving it away (and it's been 20 years!) She downsized for several years before she died but it was still a huge undertaking! You'll let go when you're ready.

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    1. My parents never downsized. A lot of furniture and stuff we hired an estate cleaner to take. The rest that we thought might be worth something isn't worth as much as we thought.

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  8. Understandably it must be so overwhelming but it sounds like you are finding your way through it all. I have heard of the Swedish method and the book but have not read it. It certainly does sound like a good idea. I wish you all the best, and lots of cherished memories to keep you going thru it all. Happy T day!

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    1. I didn't read the book, but the idea makes sense so the girlies don't have so much to deal with.

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  9. My grandparents collected mid-century modern, mostly blond Danish furniture. My grandmother was appalled when she saw the first antiques I purchased. She said they looked like stuff her parents and grandparents had in their homes and she couldn't understand why I loved them so much. Thankfully, my grandmother had GREAT taste, albeit not like mine. For example, when my grandfather wanted to buy her an avocado stove and refrigerator in the late 70s, she put her foot down and refused to go with that trend. I've noticed the antiques I paid high, high dollar for back in the late 80s, early 90s have all depreciated, too. Not as much as mass manufactured furniture, but not the "investment" many touted would be the case when I purchased them, either.

    I think you are doing a wise thing because I'm getting rid of things I don't want or need, too. Your coffee/tea set is beautiful and a perfect addition to T this Tuesday. I greatly admire what you are doing, too.

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    1. Thanks, Elizabeth. It's not easy to let go of cherished items, but it's something that has to be done. There's only so much room in the Dollhouse.

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  10. I got a kick out of "Facebook. Yes, it's a place where the cool kids don't hang out" lol! But I find it a good social outlet for me. I don't get out much ;)

    I'm delighted you found an appreciative home for the silver plate. People don't set up house furnishings in the same way they used to, and it can be hard to find homes for big pieces. I am trying to pare down as the years pass -there's really no need to keep things just because Mother used them- but it's hard.

    Happy T Tuesday!

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    1. Besides keeping in touch with family and friends, a lot of my colleagues are on FB so I'm also able to keep up with things in the calligraphy world.

      I was so happy to find someone who would love the silverplate the way Ma did.

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  11. I haven't lost a parent but I can imagine that must have been difficult loosing both only 3 months apart. It seems as though the older generations collected a lot of things, perhaps because they went through the depression? What a great idea to purge out items before one dies, although the name "death cleaning" has a rather morbid ring to it. How wonderful that you were able to find a home for some of your mother's special items. The tea server is lovely. It reminds me of a set that my mother has. She loves to entertain so she has quite a few silver pieces. With little children I don't do much entertaining but I love the thought of passing that tradition onto my daughter.
    Happy Tea Day,
    Kate

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    1. Yeah, they could have come up with a better name maybe Lifetime Accumulation Declutter. Hopefully, you will pass on your love of tradition.

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  12. Difficult times find the courage, yes courage. to de clutter and re-home treasured family items. It looks like the silver has found a good future home and that you are making progress with the other things.
    I am a hoarder as is my OH, one day I will have a good sort out, but I am not ready yet,
    Happy T day wishes.
    Yvonne xx

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    1. People told me I'd know when the time was right to part with my folks' things. I think it's all part of the grieving process which isn't linear but comes in waves.

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  13. went through this with weezer and bum; and cried like a wee babe at some of the things they left behind; and wondering if the items would find good appreciative homes

    and am begging my mom and dad NOW to: ask, donate, give, sell, so I'm not stuck with deja vu ~~~~~~ dad has some fire fighter items that are going to cause some tears too ♥♥

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    1. I bet your folks aren't listening to you figuring they still have lots of time. That was how my parents thought. When the time comes, if you don't want to keep the fire fighter items, you can donate them to a fire station. If your dad's a firefighter, you can donate to his house. My friend, Teague's grandfather was a firefighter in the 1900s. She had a couple of photos of him in front of his station. The station is still there. She framed the photo and gave it to the firefighters. They were thrilled to have something from their history and put the picture in their dining area.Just a rambling thought.

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  14. I have only memories and mementos like letters and photos from my parents. My mom divvied up her jewelry among her 3 daughters years before she died.

    It's my own stuff that I need to find new homes for so as not to leave my son with a huge and painful chore after I'm gone. I wish I could find a solution like you did for all the silver. When we got married, silverware was still popular and I have a lot of it!

    Funny though, I feel lighter and calmer with every piece I sell or gift away. I hope you do too, CJ.

    Happy T-day! Hugs, Eileen

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    1. For your silver you can try to sell through Replacements Ltd. They buy and sell china, silver and sell items for people to replace broken or discontinued patterns. You can also check with jewelers for places that buy silver to be melted down. Yes, it feels good to clear the clutter.

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  15. I wish I had kept more of my Mum's things but we had a deadline and although I picked out a few important items that held memories suppose at least we didn't have much to deal with! Now, the clutter here for my kids.....that's a different matter!! Happy T day! Chrisx

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  16. CJ, I can't believe you wrote about this, because for the past month, my mom and I have been selling things and going through things. If, I want it, it's going to be kept, if not, going to charity or selling. It's a big job and a hard job. My mom turns 80 next year and I think, where did the time go? I'm sorry for the loss of both your parents! I love where the tea set is going to! Big Hugs!

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    1. Good for your mom to decide where she wants things to go. Ma and Dad have been gone 5 years now.Hard to believe where the time has gone.

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  17. That is wise councel to start decluttering early. I feel your pain. It's not easy. But I do love the story of the silver plated tea things.
    Luckily my mum (94) had to declutter when dad became ill and they went into a care home. Then when dad died, mum had to go live independently again. She has a large three bedroom appartment and has had to buy all new furniture, but luckily has not a lot of clutter.
    I'm at an age where I should be decluttering too, but here in Spain, houses are often sold fully furnished, and that is probably what our kids will end up doing.
    Happy belated T-Day,
    Lisca

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    1. Selling a home fully furnished would make things a bit easier. i think that's a good idea. Too bad not adopted here.

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